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Same ol’, Same ol’

Not much going on. I’ll give a quick summary:

First, I finally bought a new car. I had been driving a 98 Pontiac Grand Am for almost 5 years. It had 115,000 miles on it and I hated it with a furious passion. It was formerly a Mary Kay car. I bought a new (2005) Infiniti G35 and I couldn’t be happier with it. I described the difference to a friend as follows: “It’s not even like I upgraded. It’s like I moved to a different planet!”

Second, I’ve been playing a lot of poker lately. Essentially, I’ve been breaking even for a couple weeks. Before that, I had a pretty nasty losing streak at $2/$4 Hold ‘Em, so I backed off for a while. That streak came after a big fat winning streak at the same stakes. I’ve been playing tons of smaller stakes tournaments lately (max $10 buy-in) and doing ok. I’ve moneyed a couple times and played some good poker. The highlight was the other night when I played a $3 + re-buys satellite to a WSOP qualifier. The prize was a $650 seat and the top 4 got paid. I finished 6th… but only because my internet connection went out for 20 minutes. I’m convinced I would’ve made the money about 90% of the time… I lost about half my stack while disconnected (blinds were pretty high) and I was dealt KK once while gone.

I’ve also been reading Harington on Hold ’em, by Dan Harrington and Bill Robertie. It’s definitely the best book on NL Hold ‘Em that I’ve read and it could be tied for best tournament poker book I’ve read. I’m trying to let the info sink in because…

I am playing in a $45 buy-in tournament with 37 other players next weekend. First place pays over $700 and the top 5 places get paid. Last time I played with this group, it was an 17-person $50 buy-in tournament and I finished second and made about $200 bucks. I hadn’t played at all in six months before that tournament and I’m much better now. I just hope luck is on my side. If it is, I’m confident I can win it.

Time for sleep!

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Worst start ever

I guess it’s only been one day, but I’m pretty sure I ain’t winnin’ any pools for the NCAA Tournament this year. I’m in three pools and here’s where I stand after 16 games played: 3/3, 19/20, 42/42. That’s right, my best standing is the Fifth Percentile. It would appear this is one of those years where every game I pick will be wrong and they’ll all be close.

I have to keep reminding myself that most of this is just dumb luck, but my ego still hurts a little.

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The Contender

I guess maybe ‘reality TV’ is an acquired taste, but I think this show is almost empirically good. I suppose there are those who ‘don’t like boxing’, and I can accept that but, for the rest of us, this is a super show. I think it’s because boxing is such an ego-centric sport. More so than basketball, football, baseball, hockey, soccer, and on and on and on. Also, the thrill of rooting against a boxer or for a boxer is much greater than rooting for or against a team. It’s just fun to watch such a battle of huge egos. These guys all think they’re the best thing ever… and only one of them will finish on top.

Anyway, my grammar is horrible and I’m not making much sense. Note to self: don’t drink Sleepy Time tea before posting.

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Can’t think of a title

EDIT: For about a week now, I’ve been trying to decide whether to post this online. It’s been sitting on my laptop in the meantime. I finally decided this is where this post belongs. Remembering things in this post is kind of why I started the weblog anyway.

This week was kind of difficult for me on an emotional level because a co-worker of mine (in Dallas) committed suicide early last week. I found out on my way to the airport, so I had a few hours to think about it while I waited on my flight to L.A. I normally wouldn’t write much about this, but I was surprised by how I felt and what I experienced as time went by.

“Co-worker” is kind of vague; he was also a friend. I enjoyed working with him and he was fun to be around. He never complained (ever), always did his job exceptionally well and never missed a beat.

At first, I was only told that he had passed away at his home; I didn’t know how. Other co-workers had been concerned because he missed two days of work and didn’t call in, so they went to his house with the local police. They found him inside.

My initial reaction was a numb feeling and some shock. It didn’t really compute. Then it started slowly dawning on me that he wouldn’t be at work next Monday when I got back. That took a long time to sink in because he’s one of the few people that I interacted with daily, almost without exception. Then I tried to remember the last time I’d talked to him. I think I was subtly concerned that maybe our last interaction was negative. I don’t even know why the thought crossed my mind because I don’t remember ever having a negative conversation with this guy. He was probably one of the easiest people to get along with in the entire building.

Eventually, I remembered that the last time we talked, we didn’t talk. I was heading up to my desk and gave him the thumbs-up, he responded with the smile-and-nod. That seems appropriate.

More time passed and then a sort of morbid curiosity started creeping into my mind. How? Natural causes, some sort of attack, suicide? I couldn’t figure out why I really needed to know or wanted to know, but I did. I now realize that I became very aware of my own mortality. I thought it was possible that he simply quit breathing, his body decided to stop. And if that could happen to him–he was in good health and didn’t have any unhealthy vices that I knew of–then it could happen to me. Just like that. All of a sudden my co-worker’s death was about me. How did that happen? I think it was a combination of two things: selfishness and a defense mechanism. Selfish or not, it was a lot easier to think about myself than a deceased friend.

I had about 16 hours to think about everything before work the next morning. It was there that I heard he’d hung himself. I was told that any number of things could’ve been overwhelming him, but that no one really knew why he’d done it. My initial reaction to this was sorrow. I felt sorry for him and wished I would’ve somehow known he was considering this. Mostly, I think I imagined how overwhelmed he must’ve been by something, by life, that he took his life. It hurt me to imagine someone dealing with that kind of weight privately, without talking to anyone. I can’t think of how to articulate this feeling. It’s just the idea of someone, alone, bearing so much that he could think of no other way to deal with it. The solution he chose was to die at his own hand, alone.

Then selfishness reared its ugly head again. I felt a little relieved. It took a couple days for me to figure out why: again, it was my fear of my own mortality. His body hadn’t just stopped and mine probably wouldn’t either. Then the relief came from rationalizing that at least he chose to go. He made a decision, it wasn’t made for him. That’s just another defense mechanism.

So now I’ve been back to work and it’s a little strange. There’s definitely the “big white elephant” that no one is talking about. But maybe they talked about it more last week while I was in L.A. Every now and then I’ll hear another detail: he was dressed for work. But those details don’t seem as significant to me as the detail that I’d worried so much about before. They just help to paint a more vivid picture, a sadder one.

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Vegas: A couple days later

Ok, so I mostly covered the gambling part of my trip in my daily posts and I feel I should also cover the other things I did. First off, I stayed in a room on the 21st floor of the Bellagio. It was really nice, but the nicest part was the bathroom. Not only was their a shower stall, but there was also a big ol’ bathtub. I didn’t use the tub, but it was nice to know it was there. Everything was made of top-quality materials and there was an abundance of marble.

There was a wired internet connection for $11 a day per computer. My buddy and I both had our wireless laptops, so I brought along a wireless router. It worked really well and we only got charged for one computer (because the router looks like a computer to the internet connection and it masks all the computers that use it).

I ate at a few very nice restaurants. First was Sensi, an international restaurant with all kinds of different food. We had a raw seafood platter for an appetizer (I tried a raw clam) and I had grilled chicken for dinner. Of course, I also had a glass of white wine and it was super.

Next night, we ate at Olives. It was another restaurant with a lot of variety, but it hand a bias to Italian food. Again, I had a glass of white wine and some very tasty salmon for dinner.

After dinner at Olives, we went to a show at the Improv over at Harrah’s. It was pretty funny, but not the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. The emcee was actually funnier than the two headliners. It was a really good time and we all had a bunch of laughs… most of which were at material that I probably shouldn’t repeat here.

One morning, we went to the Buffet at Bellagio. It was incredible. So much food and so little time to eat it all. It took a few minutes just to walk around and look at everything, let alone eat it. I had french toast, sausage, eggs, a muffin and some fruit. I also played Keno for the first time, but none of us made any money (surprise!).

The last morning, we went to the Cafe at Bellagio and played some more Keno. I won five bucks and my buddy’s mom won 20 bucks. She was on fire all week and probably ended up leaving about $1000 up. In fact, my friend’s entire family cleaned up at Bellagio and I was the only one in our group to leave with a net loss.

…BUT, that net loss has been erased as I’ve made back all I lost and then some playing poker online. I was down $214,but between yesterday and today, I made about $230. So, the money I lost in Vegas will be in my bank account in 72 hours or less. I made that money in about 5 hours playing online. Outrageous.

That’s about it. I had an awesome time both gambling and hanging out with my friend’s family. They are really awesome people and I enjoyed getting to know them all better. I got to experience some things I’d never experienced before (like the meals at Sensi and Olives and the show at the Improv). And I stayed in one of the nicest hotels in the world. I learned how to play blackjack and played my first poker in a casino. Man, what a great experience. Hopefully that won’t be my last trip to Vegas.

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Vegas: Day 4 report

Short but sweet: Lost $25 on a hand of blackjack. I figured I’d take a shot at breakin’ even on $25. Basically, if I could double-up three consecutive times without losing, I’d break even. I figured the odds weren’t good (assuming I have a 50% chance of winning a hand–a bit generous, but good enough for an estimate), so I would have about a 12% chance of winning three straight and breaking even. Unfortunately, I was dealt a 20 and the dealer was showing 3. Of course I stood and the stupid dealer shows an 8 and hits a 10 for 21. I’m anxious to find out what the odds of that garbage are.

Anyway, today I lost $25 and won $5 at Keno. That brings me to down $214 for the trip. Not bad since I had allowed $600 and had set aside $1000 to play with.

Overall, I had a great time. My friend that I roomed with had his family here as well. We went to a lot of very nice restaurants and an improv show last night. I mean, even without that stuff, I stayed at the freakin’ Bellagio for three nights. But eating at a few Bellagio restaurants, watching my friend’s uncle play over $100 a hand at blackjack and spending time with great people made for a really good trip.

Now I have to save up my energy to go to L.A. next Tuesday. I’m totally beat.

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Vegas: Day 3 report

There’s bad and good to report from today. I’ll get right to it. I played two sessions of $2/$4 Limit Hold ‘Em at Aladdin. I lost 73 bucks in about 4 hours or -4.5 BB/hour. I just seemed to get crap cards and any time I got a good hand, someone drew out on me. Good example: I had AKs, raise before the flop and get 2 callers. Flop comes AKx, giving me top two pair. I bet and one player calls. Next card is a J. I bet, get raised, call. Next card is a blank. I check, he checks. He turns over JJ for a set of Jacks to beat my two pair. Normally, I wouldn’t mind “the best hand winning” if he’d ever shown it was the best hand. More importantly, I was better than 10-to-1 to win the hand after the flop. That was the worst one, but that stuff happened a few times and I got terrible cards (I literally won 5 pots in 4 hours. And I’m not talking big pots with showdown. I’m talking any pot at all.)

Now the good: I played another session of $2/$4 tonight and made $50 bucks in 2.25 hours or +5.55 BB/hour. It’s not a very long session, but I played very well and seemed to be making good decision. My table image was key as they saw me as very tight/very aggressive. Ironically, the hand I remember most was one where I folded. I had AA in early position and raised with 2 callers. The flop is 885. I bet, get raised, then re-raised and I fold. Obviously, I was beat, but I knew I had to be beat by some crappy cards. I was glad my ego didn’t take over and get me married to the hand. I laid it down and eventually saw both other players turn over an 8 (89 and 8J). I was 75% to win the hand before the flop.

So, I lost 73 this morning, won 50 tonight for a 23 dollar loss today. Overall, that puts me at 194 down, overall.

I doubt I’ll gamble any more tomorrow, but if I do, it’ll be something like throwing a 25 dollar chip on the BlackJack table and letting it ride till I either lose it or break even for my trip. That sounds like a fun way to end things.

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Vegas: Day 2 report

Not too much to tell so far. I lost 28 bucks in a Hold ‘Em tournament and made 55 dollars at the 5-dollar blackjack tables.

The only notable hand in the tournament (again, the structure was almost silly) was when I was dealt KQ in the big blind. 3 or 4 callers and the flop came K45. I bet, three calls. Turn is a rag. I bet, get 2 calls. River is a rag. I bet, get one call. I lost to a set of fours. Now, why the lady never raised when she flopped a set and the turn and river didn’t fill any draws, I’ll never know. Anyway, that hand took most of my stack and I just kinda’ wasted away after that.

Played blackjack at Bellagio and lost 40 bucks in about 15 minutes. Basically, the dealer just kept busting everyone up. I had a blackjack… and it was a push. She got 20’s and 21’s like they were going out of style.

Played in the $1-$2 NL Hold ‘Em game at Aladdin. I thought games like that only existed in fairytales. Turns out they’re real as can be. Problem was that luck was frowning on me. I bought in for 60 bucks. About the second hand, I got TT, but the lady to my right raised it to $20 (yes, this is a $1-$2 blind game with a max buy-in of $100) and since I hadn’t seen her play yet, I figured I better fold. Couple hands later, I get 55 and she does the same thing. Again, I fold. A few hands later, I get KK UTG. I make my standard raise to $6. I get two or three callers. Flop comes ten-high rainbow. I bet $10, guy goes all-in (for about $35 more), everyone folds to me and I quickly call. Turn is an A, river is a blank. He turns over ATo for Aces-up to beat my KK. I’m down to 15 or 20 bucks.

I fold for a while till I get AJo. Lady to my right makes it $10 and I call. Flop is K-high, she puts me all-in, I fold. I buy another $40 in chips. Several hands later, I get AKo. I make my standard raise, get re-raised to about $20 and then there’s a caller. I move in and both call. Flop is 835 rainbow. The original re-raiser checks, the cold-caller moves in quickly and the other player folds. Turn is a K, river is a blank. Cold-caller turns over 33 for a set of threes to beat my Kings with an Ace kicker. $100 gone.

So, why was I saying this was such a great game? Because it was. I only wish I had about $1000 sitting around for me to play in that game. I think I could turn it into $2000 in about 6 hours, assuming luck didn’t continue to frown on me. Having a guy hit a 5-outter on me on the turn stinks. Having AK, getting called by a 33 that holds is frustrating, but at least I was the dog to begin with. Whether he should’ve been calling 10x the BB with 33 is another story altogether.

I guess I should mention that all of these people were very loose and sometimes aggressive. I rarely saw a premium hand shown down, even when there was a lot of action. Also, I think at least two of the people at the table were off-duty dealers for the casino. I’m not sure how that works.

So, the bright side to everything: These people were so easy to read it was scary. When 33 hit his set, and moved in, I was certain he had a set. Earlier in the evening, when a guy made the nut flush on the river, I knew it immediately. When the guy to my left had a big fat pair, I knew it before he even bet. I did get my money in as about an 80% favorite and if I’d won that hand, I would have doubled-up my buy-in. So, about 80% of the time I turn my $60 into $120 in about 15 minutes. From there, I’m pretty sure I would’ve just run over the table.

I’m actually considering trying again tomorrow, but I need to take time to cool off first and evaluate it. After all, I did lose $100 tonight, regardless of all that odds talk and gibberish.

Trip summary: Lost $58 yesterday, lost $113, down $171 overall.

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Vegas: Day 1 report

As far as gambling goes, there isn’t too much to report. I played a $55 NL Hold ‘Em tournament at the Luxor and busted out 8th of 33. Here are the highlights:

  • Short stack moves in immediately to my right, I have QQ and move in for about 3 times what he has. Everyone folds, he turns over AJo and catches JJ (flop and river) to double up.
  • I have AJo in middle position, minimum raise by UTG, I move in, he calls with K7s. Sure enough, he makes a flush on the flop.
  • I move in with K7o and am called by K2o. 2-pair hits the board and we split.
  • I move in with ATo and it holds up against Ax and Q6o.
  • I play the waiting game and finally have to move in with KTo. Next player to act moves in for about triple my stack with KK.

All in all, I feel I played nearly perfectly. I was shocked how obvious some physical tells are when playing live. I’ve been playing online exclusively for several months, so I’ve had to learn more about the mathematics, betting pattern tells and other nuances. I was able to steal with absolutely nothing several times after the flop and that kept me in the game.

The tournament structure was a complete crapshoot. We started with 250 in chips, were allowed a 50-chip add-on immediately for 3 dollars (initial buy-in was 55), so we had 300 chips. Blinds started at 10/15 and moved up every 15 minutes (15/25, 25/50…). Also, we started with 11 people per table, so we didn’t even get around once before the first level of blinds was done.

Anyway, I lost, but I played well so I’m ok with it.

Then I played some 5-dollar blackjack. Ultimately, I broke even. I was up to about double my buy-in of 40 bucks, then dropped to 10 bucks, then doubled-up twice and left even. So I’m down 58 bucks for the day.

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Million Dollar Baby

Heartbreaking.

I don’t throw sappy words like that around lightly. The thing that struck me most was how quietly everyone left the theatre. The theatre wasn’t packed, but it only takes one person to make a sound and no one did. We were all thinking Would I have done that? I don’t think so. But I might have. I don’t know.

I really don’t even know what to say. I’m almost afraid anything I’d write would just be superficial and hokey. I’ll say this: Movies like this are the reason I first considered acting and screenwriting. Movies like these are the ones that count, they’re the ones that affect people. What I just saw wasn’t entertainment, it was something else. Something more.