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Seventh Meisner class: Revisited

So, everyone was there this time, including a sincerely apologetic instructor. Everything was cool until the class actually began. I was so flat… I was so flat I can’t even think of a cheesy analogy to describe it. I was awful and everyone knew it, especially me. I had no energy, probably because I’d worked nine hours the day after I worked 12 hours two days after I worked 8 hours and spent 3 hours driving downtown and back for no reason. That run-on sentence is symbolic of how run-down I was.

No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t give any energy to what I was doing. I was in a grumpy mood and my instructor’s fairly abrasive teaching style didn’t ameliorate that in the least. Long story short, I spent two hours watching the clock and counting seconds. Finally, it was over and I went home, knowing how bad that just was.

There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is I have another class and I’m not looking forward to struggling through it. The good news is I’m starting to feel a little spark. That spark is telling me that I’ll have the day off work when we meet again and that I should have tons of energy. That spark is telling me I can perform well, even if I don’t particularly enjoy the exercises. That spark is telling me it’s time to do or die, in the basketball parlance that I grew up with.

Now what?

My confidence has been shattered lately: I didn’t book Noon Preview though I was essentially told I had; I’ve been seriously struggling just to make it two hours each session in this Meisner class; I couldn’t even find the stupid Noon Preview when I tried to go today. I’m beginning to question my ridiculous decision to forsake engineering for a career in acting.

But then I think how far I’ve come, even in the last month. I’ve gotten headshots, gone out on my first audition (and felt really comfortable doing it), taken a super difficult class and gotten myself in a position to start sending out mailers to agents and film schools. It’s very possible I’ll be represented early next year and I could be working. I know I have to give this thing time and muster all the patience I can.

I get a break this week as I head home to Florida for Thanksgiving. I’m going back to LA for a few days early in December. I get almost 3 weeks off for Christmas. I should be very refreshed in January and then I’ll be ready to roll. Right now, I just need confidence. I need the confidence necessary to ‘get out of my head’ and succeed in my final Meisner class. I need the confidence to find an agent and start working. I need the endurance to keep pursuing acting and working full time.

I needed a pep-talk and who better to give it than me?

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