in Ramblings

My last night in Plano, TX
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Well, after about two years and nine months, I’m leaving Plano to head back east. I’m mostly excited and a little sad to be leaving, but I think all the sad will be gone in the next couple days. I have been feeling very melancholy for a few days, but I think it’s mostly been due to my innate resistance to change and my fear of the unknown. Although I didn’t like it much, I have spent a couple years here making a life for myself and I’m about to leave that life for another. Intellectually, I know this is the best thing I could do; but emotionally, I feel like I’m giving up, like I’ve some how been defeated.

Of course, this is nonsense as defeat implies some enemy, which I don’t have. And I’m not giving up, but fed up and seeking something more fulfilling. I can’t wait to be near my family and friends, to find a church, to not spend most nights planted on my couch. It’ll be nice to have other peoples’ couches as options, too.

Two and a half years ago, I had dreams of becoming an actor, and I won’t concede that those dreams are dead. For now, I feel more inspired to pursue writing, but I haven’t closed the book on acting. As I move back to Gainesville, I’m not going to make any predictions about what I will or won’t do in the future. That being said, I do have some goals: write something meaningful, win a major poker tournament, find a fulfilling career path, and a few others which I can’t really articulate. For now, I’m just focusing on the present as I want to be sure I make this transition as smooth as possible.

I’ve spent the last several days tying up loose ends and seeking closure. I think I’ve done pretty well and I don’t anticipate feeling that I have any unfinished business out here in Texas. I’ve tried to go to all my favorite spots, see all my friends and say goodbye to acquaintances. Most importantly, I’ve reflected on my time here and how it’s affected me as a person. I have a very clear picture of who I was when I got here and who I am as I leave. I’m very pleased with how my time here has gone, and I’m anxiously anticipating the next phase of my life.

Au revoir, Texas. Au revoir.

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