It's no secret (especially here on the ol' blog) that I want to be a professional actor. What is kind of a secret is why I want to be a professional actor. I mean, it's clear that I'm not interested in sitting behind a desk, designing stuff for people for the rest of my life. But what about management? Why not be one of the people having others design stuff for him? Or what about a different career path altogether in a different company? I've been asking myself these questions for some time now and it wasn't until today that I found a satisfactory answer.
Acting seems glamorous, but the more I study it, the more I realize that the glamour is only a small part of the equation. There's also a lot of hard work involved and, of course, the high percentage chance that a lot of rejection could be in my future. I want to be a professional actor, but I want to be a great actor as well. I want to be good at it, not just successful.
That stuff's been true from day one. But what I didn't realize until today is this: I want to be an actor because it's something where my success will depend wholly on my own abilities and effort. Aside from nepotism and the occasional "big break", acting is a profession that requires hard work, dedication, patience and skill. There are thousands of actors in Dallas, in L.A., in New York who are practically clones of me in every way. They're my age, my height, my build, my personality, my basic ability. So my odds of success are slim unless I can find an edge. And I aim to make my edge substantial enough to succeed. For now, I'm learning about the business and I'm hoping I can find an edge with my drive and desire. I hope that drive and desire eventually become manifest in talent. And I hope that talent eventually allows me to act professionally.
But what it comes down to is that I want to be responsible for my own success or failure. Yeah, I've been careful to knit a strong, taught net to catch me if I fall, but now I'm headed up the ladder to the tight-rope. In a few months, I hope to start edging out on that tight-rope and then I hope to start walking across it on my own. Hopefully, I'll have the drive, determination, patience and talent to continue walking the rope, but if I happen to fall, I've padded the net with my education. But that's why my education is there: it's a fallback. And I've always intended for it to be that way. I'm not interested in the Grind and I can't stand monotony. I'm interested in seeing what I'm made of and that's why acting is so appealing to me.