in Ramblings

Bittersweet transition: reflections on my impending life change
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Without waxing poetic, I’d like to scribble down some of my thoughts over the past few weeks. These will mostly be disjointed, stream of conscious kind of thoughts:

I’m very excited about my move to Florida, and I know it is a completely positive change for me. Nonetheless, I’ve been feeling pretty miserable for the last few days. I think my problem is that, good or bad, I just don’t like change. Big transitions always scare me, and I really hate moving. I have an intellectual understanding that this change is necessary and will ultimately make me much happier, but I hate the idea of turning my life upside down.

I sent out an e-mail to many of my co-workers to say goodbye, and I was curious if it seemed appropriate, so I asked a friend to take a look at it before I sent it. He gave it his stamp of approval and said not to worry about it, he’s not very good at goodbyes either. That got me to thinking: Is anyone good at goodbyes? I’ve heard people say they’re no good at goodbyes hundreds of times, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone claim to be good at them. I think we’re all really awful at goodbyes because we’re built to create and build relationships, not extinguish them.

I can’t decide whether I should write a detailed account of my last few months at work here in Texas. On one hand, I think I learned a lot of valuable things and it may be good to write them down for future reference. On the other hand, I think it might be a good idea to just let everything kind of fade into the background. Most of my thoughts on the last few months would probably turn into criticisms of some form or another, and I don’t know if I want to write a long, detailed criticism.

A while back, I talked to a co-worker about my transition to Florida. When I told him I was moving back to Florida, he asked if I grew up there and if my family is there. I told him yes, and he immediately said it was good to try to live near family. He told me he’d turned down several job offers around the country because his family is here in Texas. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but then I saw him again today and he said, “You’re doing the right thing. It’s important to be close to your family.” It was encouraging to hear someone tell me I’m doing the right thing. Although I’ve been acting (and even feeling) confident in my decision, I realized that I had been ignoring a lot of doubt about whether this truly is the right thing for me. I didn’t even realize I needed encouragement, but it was nice to be encouraged.

This actually reminds me of my last night emceeing back at school. I had just finished up the meeting, business as usual and, on my way out of the auditorium, a friend just walked up and gave me a hug. This was pretty unusual for me because I don’t exactly give off a “hug me!” vibe. As stupid as it sounds, I really needed a hug and didn’t even know it. I was about to face a big transition and I was very anxious about it, although I didn’t let on. I’m not really sure what my point is… Maybe I’m just realizing that sometimes the little things really matter.

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