in Ramblings

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Fear of failure

I’m a chronic sufferer. I’ve never really been “the best” at anything and it’s probably because I’ve never tried hard enough. Although it’s frustrating never being best, it’s nice not knowing that I can’t be the best. Grammatically incorrect as it may be, it’s true. If I were to give a total effort, I might fail and be convinced I can’t succeed. Without a total effort, I don’t have success, but I can maintain the delusion that I could be successful if I really tried. Round and round I go, right into inactivity.

So, that’s probably why I haven’t jumped back into acting yet. It’s probably why I have a bunch of half-started writing projects collecting digital dust on my laptop. It’s probably why I haven’t consistently tried writing music for a couple years now. And I guess it could be frustrating feeling so stagnant…

…except I occasionally get a nice little reminder of what failure feels like. All it takes is a little taste and I’m reminded why it’s so terrifying.

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