So far, I’ve really been enjoying my learning experience as I work towards being an actor. Usually, I feel challenged and fulfilled as I work through a scene and I get a definite sense of fulfillment after we’ve shot something and critiqued it. This week, I’m working on a couple scenes from The Devil’s Advocate and, so far, I’m very frustrated. The scenes are just difficult and I’m having a tough time connecting to the characters. I still have a few days (which is really a long time) to work on the scenes before we lay them down on Thursday, and I’m sure I’ll make great progress, but right now it’s difficult to tell if I’ll really be able to play the scenes well.
That said, this is why I’m so excited about acting. This is very challenging and it’s been a long time since I had to work on something that I had so much trouble getting through. I love the challenge, I love the analysis, I love trying to learn something I’ve never learned before. This stress, frustration and anxiety is why I want to do something other than engineering for a career. With engineering, this sort of learning curve simply doesn’t exist. I may be challenged, but the assignments I would get as an engineer wouldn’t challenge me personally as acting does.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to grinding out these scenes and seeing what I can do. Right now, my confidence is low and I’m not sure I can play the scenes convincingly… and this is exactly where I need to be. I feel backed into a corner and that means I have nothing to lose. I feel as though I’ll fail and that feeling is only motivating me to give everything I have to try and succeed. I’ll know if I have succeeded at about 7:30 on Thursday evening.