“…you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep youself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy.”

- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey

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Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

It seems to me that Woman is God’s gift to mankind and the finishing touch on His good creation.

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I don’t own a calendar, but if I did, I’d mark “productive” on the squares for this weekend. That’s right, I actually did something productive this weekend. In fact, every weekend this semester has been productive so far. In fact, up until this semester, I refused to do anything productive on the weekends (including studying, homework, laundry, shopping, etc.) because “It’s the weekend and I’m not doin’ squat!”. Apparently, I’m a changed man. I’ve done homework on Saturday and Sunday most every weekend this semester. Now, some may argue “But Josh, you have a homework assignment due every Monday night. Of course you have to do homework on the weekends. When else would it get done?” and I reply “Why, Monday of course.” That’s right, I’m a hard-core procrastinator at heart; I just happen to be in remission this semester. I also did laundry this morning (although I have yet to fold it, but since I dumped it out of the basket onto my bed when I brought it in from the laundry room, I have no choice but to put it away before I sleep tonight; well, I could just drop it on the floor, but clean clothes have no place on a dirty floor). I also happen to be reading a couple of books right now and I’m really enjoying it. I’m taking guitar lessons (a big step in taming the ego) bi-weekly and I go to see a movie every Sunday night with some of my best buds. What? He considers watching movies productive? You’re doggone right I do! The cinema is a huge part of American culture. Not only do movies reflect the political climate and cultural characteristics in present-day America, they allow for a temporary, normally fullfiling, imaginary engagement to keep the ol’ brain stimulated and kicking.

Anyway, tonight I went to see Hart’s War starring Bruce Willis and some other guy. Bruce actually played a relatively minor role and did a relatively mediocre job in that role (although, for Bruce Willis, I’m learning that mediocre is pretty near top-notch). It was a decent movie, but it was also frustrating because it was difficult to pinpoint the protagonist and antagonist. That may seem insignificant, but it’s a lot more fun for me to watch a flick when I have someone to root for. The theme was good: honor. There was a good bit of irony that permeated the movie and a good irony is always nice to grab on to when I’m floundering for the antagonist. Regardless, it didn’t stink and it made its point, so it was alright with me.

Now begins “mid-term” week. This semester, I don’t techincally have any mid-terms, but I do have two tests, a project and two homeworks that happen to land on mid-term week. Actually, one of those tests is a “quiz”, which is a euphamism for test where I come from. Anyway, I think it’ll turn out alright because I managed to finish one of the homeworks early, that means I’m a day ahead of schedule right now. So, as long as the old procrastination bug doesn’t bite me, I should be able to function normally (meaning get sleep and eat occasionally) for the duration of the week. Then comes Spring Fling. I won’t go over all that again, but I’m about ready to be at Camp Chattooga in Highlands, SC already.

We had our last intramural basketball game today. Well, last except for the division-B playoffs (also known as the loser’s bracket) that start up after Spring Break. We lost by almost fifteen points again and we lost because we self-destructed again. Seems like we always played a solid game til around five minutes in the second half, then we just blew it. I think a lot of it had to do with chemistry–our team didn’t play so well as a team as we did one-on-one, or so we thought–and just the fact that we didn’t have any superstars on our squad. All in all, I’d say I came out of it all a better basketball player, though. I try and learn something every game I play. I figure if I win a game and don’t learn anything, then that game was ultimately pointless because it didn’t make me better. At least I can say that today’s game made me better.

Finally, I’d like to say that I find it hilarious that one of my old roommates saw these bowls with icthus on them (a bunch of little “Christian fish” following eachother around the outside of the bowl forever). He also bought dinner and bread plates to complete the set. I’d never do something quite that unusual, but I’m glad to say that I know guys who would and do on a regular basis. Well, I’m gonna’ fish out the last chocolate chip from my Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream (Bryer’s, of course because it’s all natural and it tastes stinkin’ awesome) and read a bit more from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and then head off to bed.

G’night

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And so ends another long week of classes. One week from right now, I’ll be laying on the floor in some church in north-Georgia with my trusty blanket and old, smelly pillow (I have no idea how long I’ve owned my pillows, but it’s definitely time for new ones). That’s right, Spring Fling is right around the corner and man am I pumped! I’ve never been able to put my finger on it, but for some reason the annual Crusade retreats get better by the year. This year, I’m one of the big dogs. I’ll be that guy sitting around saying things like ‘Hooooo-eeeee’ I remember three years ago when I rode up here with a crazy senior girl and nearly died four times before we ever even entered South Carolina.’ Funny thing is, back then, I thought she was crazy; now, I know she’s crazy. Fortunately, she’s crazy about God, too, so that seems to equalize ‘er somewhat.

Spring Break’s rapid approach generally means one thing: slacking is now officially not only accepted without question, but condoned. That’s right, Spring Break marks the beginning of the annual student-grade recession. March Madness is about to start up and that means three days a week of college basketball, all hours of the day with talk of ‘brackets’ and ‘picks’ and ‘pools’. I’ll probably throw my five bucks in a pool this year, just to see how bad my picks are. March Madness is generally associated with college basketball, but I think it can also be associated with the insanity that begins clouding every student’s thinking process after Spring Break. We tend to lose all reasoning ability: ‘Let’s see. I have a test tomorrow, a quiz the next day and three homework assignments due in one class the following day. The question on the table is ‘Do you want to sit around playing cards til 6 am?’ and I’m afraid the answer is ‘No.’, but who would I be to buck the system?

One good thing about the post-Spring-Break-recession is that it’s a time to meet all kinds of new people. I can think back over my last three Spring semesters and remember people I met during each semester, shortly after Spring Break. That’s just the time when everyone comes out of the woodwork. Even the studious kids begin to see that slacking has its merits. Of course, no one can really name any of those merits, but we all know they’re there. And, any one of those merits could single-handedly muscle-out any attempt by the conscience to convince us that it isn’t a good idea to start sleeping during the day and participating in completely unproductive activities at night.

Here’s to another Spring semester of cruddy grades, new friendships and hazy memories.

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I don�t have all that much to say tonight. The past several days, I�ve been bogged down with homework, studying and other responsibilities that have seemingly bound my right-brain and forced my left-brain to run rampant. I suppose that, ultimately, this is good as it means I�ve been managing my time well, but sometimes it�s just not all that much fun beating down the procrastination bug.

Spring Break is officially only a week away. It seriously can�t come soon enough. Unfortunately, I�m having a hard time really looking forward to it because I�m trying to keep my focus on the here-and-now (to avoid struggles like those of the UF basketball team of late), so I can be effective in my studies this semester.

I think I�m going to cut this off now because it�s boring even me and I�d just rather be reading some more of One Flew Over the Cuckoo�s Nest. What a great book.

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Close friends are key. It�s difficult for me to imagine what life might be like if it weren�t for companionship and fellowship. Difficult, but not impossible. I can remember a time when I would sometimes make the long trek home from class and wonder if anyone (aside from my immediate family�there�s never doubt there) really cared about me. I often wondered, if I were to up-and-move away from this town�transplant my life to a different place�whether all those who knew me would even realize I�d left. I wondered whether I�d made any sort of mark on the world and if my absence would produce a void, or would reality simply seal up my old space without a second thought.

I suppose I�m past that stage for now. I think I�ve realized that my absence would leave a scar on my sphere. And I know that the few people I�ve really let in to my world would miss me. I think maybe that�s one of my problems: the number of people I�ve really let get to know me is very, very small. I�ve spent most of my existence cracking jokes, sarcastically manipulating words and doing a continuous experiment to see how much slacking is possible before things start getting really screwed up.

I think maybe all this was brought on by a combination of two things: First, the simple phenomenon called �reminiscence�; Second, a few encouraging words spoken by a friend of mine a short time ago. The reminiscence part is pretty straight forward�for some reason, my mind drifted back a couple years tonight and stuck on the single memory I�ve made of several walks down my old street. The encouraging words part is probably simple too, at least for the one who spoke them. Now I�m left to wonder if �Doody, I really appreciate what you said tonight. You should share your heart more often; let others in sometimes and drop the fa�ade.� was truly spoken on behalf of the �us� mentioned in the statement, or just on behalf of the one who spoke those words.

Either way, those words are reassuring. At least I know that one of the few occasions on which I shared a deeper part of myself was well received by a friend of mine�maybe even by several friends of mine. It�s nice to know that there may be others out there who belong to �us� and just might want to hear what lil� ol� me has to say. Man, it would be nice to show this blog entry to myself two years ago, but then I�d never have learned to look deep inside and face the ugly. I�d never have learned that I can�t depend on my surroundings for my joy. And maybe I�d never have learned enough to be able to speak the words that my friend found so encouraging. And then, where would I be now? A little more ignorant, a lot more introverted and maybe incapable of slowly opening up my heart, so others and I might have a peak inside from time to time.

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So, I’ve been wondering lately if maybe something is wrong with me. It seems like I know a lot of guys who are completely consumed by women (or at least the thought of women). In others’ blogs, in conversation, in actions, in comments, and in many other aspects of life, I notice that guys I know are totally eaten up by a desire to be dating someone or meeting their future wife. I picture these guys as sort of walking around with a paper blind-fold on that says Girls on it. Maybe I’m na’ve, or suppressing some desire, but I simply don’t share the urgency that I see in my single friends. Not to say I’m not anxiously awaiting my first meeting with my wife-to-be’I most certainly am’but that is far from the focal point in my life right now. I do have a certain curiosity about the woman He will provide for me, but I’m not taken by it as I’ve seen that others are.

I think maybe I’m just trying to learn about myself right now. It’s such a fascinating journey for me to live as myself. Just when I think I know me, I go and do something completely unexpected’suddenly begin managing my time, start taking guitar lessons, say something totally ridiculous’and I throw myself for a loop. I find myself walking along this bridge that I’ve been traversing for 21 years, and, even after all this time, I still occasionally miss a plank, or get scared when I look down into the canyon below. I’m still having such a tough time holding onto the rope rails that I’m not sure if I’m ready to free a hand and hold onto another human being.

I guess it just frustrates me to see so many of my close friends walking their bridge-of-life with that blind-fold on, both hands out in front of them, flailing away, feeling for their special someone. I just have to wonder if maybe they wouldn’t walk a little slower, a little more cautiously, a little more appreciatively if they were to peak out from under their blind-fold and see what they’re so nonchalantly passing by.

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As is customary on Sunday nights, I went to the theatre tonight to catch a show with some of my friends. The flick de jour was John Q. Now, although I did have some serious reservations with it, overall, I think the movie was well-written, -directed and -acted; especially Denzel Washington’s character’all around well-done. It was refreshing to see a modern-day hero so eloquently created, reinforced and drawn to the edge of sanity and life without reason. It seems to have become a rarity to see a hero portrayed as one who has no selfish motives and only demonstrates integrity, compassion and resolve, especially in the face of tragedy.

My reservations with the movie were few’maybe only singular’but heavy. There was a strong undercurrent of a socialist political agenda that I really couldn’t stand. My beef was not necessarily with the agenda itself’I'm not saying whether I agree with the tenants of their particular agenda or not’it was with the fact that I paid my students’ fee of $5.25 to see a good movie’which I did’and, for no extra fee, got this ideal rammed down my throat for two hours. My note to Hollywood: I can respect the fact that there are actually people in Hollywood who are intelligent enough to have their own political ideologies and beliefs, but share your beliefs with a willing audience on your own dime’not mine.

In short, I would recommend the movie as an excellent drama, but to all who intend to see it, I caution that they should be prepared for an assault on their intelligence in the form of overt political propaganda, which permeates the film.

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Today’s exam wasn’t all that bad. I’m not sure if that was due to my level of preparation, or if the test was easy. That’ll all be in the numbers: average grade, standard deviation and whatnot. I’m thinking I did pretty well, which is unusual. Generally, after I’ve finished an exam in my typical Electrical Engineering (EE) courses, I feel like I bombed it and I’m hoping that there’s a chance I got the average score or so.

I had a guitar lesson this morning and it was a bit different: my instructor gave me a “work tape”, which is basically a tape with 90 minutes of stuff crammed onto it that I’m supposed to work on for the next two weeks. I don’t know if I’m becoming a better guitarist, or a smarter guitarist, or if there’s even a difference, but I’m definately getting a much deeper understanding of the intrument. Only time will tell if I’m able to work my newfound knowledge into some sort of musical manifestation.

Nap time…

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Not much to report today: I skipped my only class because I’m the laziest person alive, then went grocery shopping and treated myself to an Ultimate Publix sub for lunch. After that, my day was no more than a procrastination-study cycle, which ended about 20 minutes ago. Tomorrow’s my first exam of the semester and I guess it’s important to me because it’ll show me whether attending class regularly actually helps my grades. It’s sort of sad that it’s my senior year and I’m just deciding to find that out, but I guess slacking has pseudo-worked for me so far, so I figured I wouldn’t mess with my “system”. I’m only changing it now because I’m curious if my grades will reflect any extra effort on my part, or if I’m just destined to be a mediocre engineering student. I think I must’ve missed the lecture that the professors give the first week of classes, when they tell the engineers how important it is to work hard and compete for the best grades. I’m pretty much satisfied graduating with a decent GPA, so I can move on with my life. I guess that’s really the difference: engineering isn’t my life, whereas it is some peoples’.

Well, my test is in 10 hours, so I should probably get some sleep. I was tempted to reschedule my bi-weekly guitar lesson that I’ll be having tomorrow morning at 10:00, but I decided against it. If I’m going to skip my only class on Thursday, then I need some sort of regimented activity to depend on for my sanity. I’m afraid without some commitment at least one day a week, I might be worthy of the “typical college student” stereotype… I’ll avoid that for now.

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