I’ve officially almost finished a project. Where does that leave me? It leaves me experiencing a bit of anxiety because I can’t just get it done and out of the way. As I’ve trudged through this semester, sporting my new time-management skills and desire to be efficient, I’ve begun to realize why I was such a hard-core procrastinator for so long: I don’t like to begin something and not complete it before I rest. I can remember back in my high school days when I first began to experience the world of car-audio systems; I bought my first set of speakers for my car’s cabin (actually, at the time, it was still my mom’s car) and set out learning to install them. I used the schematics that Crutchfield sent me as a guideline, but I mostly just grabbed a philips-head screwdriver and went to town trying to find a way behind my door panels and under the back-dash. I remember I was up til about 2 am that night, using the flourescent light in our car-port to see what I could, hunched over with one foot on the ground and the other on the front floor-board. I eventually got those speakers in–it took me a good long time–and got a few hours’ sleep before I had to take the SAT’s at 7 that morning. What I don’t remember is actually taking the SAT’s. I just had to finish getting those speakers in before I could call it a night, and I ended up taking the SAT again after that, too.

I guess some things never do change. I spent 7 hours on Saturday putting new speakers in my car; I had a friend alongside to help this time because he happens to have the same model car. That may sound silly to some, but to me, it was a good learning experience and a day that I could spend with an old friend. There’s something about wrestling seats out of cars and straining with everything in me to get a bolt loose. I can’t really describe it in words, I guess, but there’s just something about it. On Sunday, my calves were sore for the first time in ages. Why? Who knows. Probably because I used them differently than I had in a long time–standing on the “hump” in the back seat, trying my darnedest to pop some bolt loose; balancing myself as I reached under the door to try and find the screw that just lept out of my hand; just being on my feet all day. Regardless, it was a good time and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Just over a year and I graduate from this institution known as the University of Florida. Then what? Struggle to keep in touch with friends, deal with having to learn a whole new system called “the real world“, sit at some desk for forty hours a week, designing something for a boss who doesn’t know me from Adam. One thing I’d put my money on, though, is that I’ll still be dabbling with my car stereo–checking out the latest amps, pricing speakers, chatting with my buddies about whether I need this or that component–and I find that comforting for some reason.

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This should paint a good picture of what I’ve spent the last four years of my life on. My resume:

Joshua J. Doody

Objective: To obtain a Co-op or Internship with a growing technical company in Dallas, TX
and gain experience in the Computer/Electrical Engineering field.

Education: Bachelor of Science in Computer/Electrical Engineering, Spring 2003
University of Florida in Gainesville, FL
GPA of 3.21/4.0

Field-related Courses:
Introduction to Maple
Solid-State Electronic Devices
Technical Writing
Elements of Circuits I, II
Introduction to CIS
Elements of Statics
Digital Logic and Computer Systems
Numerical Analysis
Computer Organization
Applied Discrete Mathematics
Electronic Circuits 1
Digital Integrated Circuits
Data Structures & Algorithms
Discrete Signals & Systems

Awards Received: Dean�s List at University of Florida, Spring 1999
Salutatorian of Sandalwood High School in 1998
Elected National Scholar in 1997

Experience: 2001 Raytheon Company Dallas, TX
Co-op with Electrical Systems�Commander�s Independent Viewer Program
� Redesigned test equipment to handle larger workload and higher throughput
� Helped troubleshoot existing test systems for electrical engineering issues

1999 Jacksonville Electric Authority (JEA) Jacksonville, FL
Co-op as an IT & S Technician
� PC trouble-shooting (hardware and software) and end-user support.
� Helped JEA with network migrations and other projects.

Design and Field-Related Experience:
� High-level Programming: Java, MATLAB, Maple, HTML
� Low-level Programming: Motorola 68K Assembly, MIPS
� Digital/Analogue Design: MaxPlusII, Mentor, PSPICE, L-EDIT
� Operating systems: DOS, Windows 9x/ME/NT/2000/XP, Unix
� Hardware: Design, Troubleshooting, Assembly

Leadership Experience:
� Active with Campus Crusade for Christ for over three and a half years
� Led a team of five people that was responsible for planning the organization�s weekly meetings, which were attended by 250 to 300 people

References: Available upon request.

It’s amazing how difficult it is to get a Microsoft Word document into HTML format, so it can be posted on a webpage (without converting it to .pdf or some other reader-friendly format).

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I think one perspective on our earthly experience is as follows: Life is a long series of lessons�some we learn easily, others not so easily. I spent about six hours today, re-learning an old lesson. That lesson is read assignments carefully before attempting to complete them. Yesterday, I thought I had all-but-finished a homework assignment; I thought I had finished it more quickly than any of this class�s homeworks so far this semester. Then I spoke with a classmate today and asked him if he would take a look at my solution to make sure it was up to spec, as he had interpreted the requirement for the problem. Turns out that my solution was not only inadequate, but I did the wrong problem. Apparently, I neglected the significance of one word�chain�in the problem description. That mistake cost me about six hours tonight; six hours I could�ve been reading; six hours I could�ve been relaxing; six hours I could�ve been playing my guitar.

The good news is I am now able to confidently say I�ve learned a different lesson: double-check everything before calling it quits. Sure, I might�ve screwed up the assignment, but it wasn�t due til Wednesday night. If I had simply assumed I did it correctly, in spite of my doubts as to my solution�s accuracy, I would have submitted an incorrect solution that would�ve gotten me a low score on this homework. Yes, I would�ve been temporarily satisfied in my ignorance�that six hours would�ve been available to me for whatever I pleased�but I would�ve been sorely disappointed when I went to check my grade on the class website next week. Not only that, but I learned some new material while I was completing the real assignment.

Sometimes, much wisdom can be found in the strangest of characters: �It�s just good sense to backup your backup!� � Phoebe on Friends

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“…you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep youself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy.”

- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey

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Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

It seems to me that Woman is God’s gift to mankind and the finishing touch on His good creation.

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And so ends another long week of classes. One week from right now, I’ll be laying on the floor in some church in north-Georgia with my trusty blanket and old, smelly pillow (I have no idea how long I’ve owned my pillows, but it’s definitely time for new ones). That’s right, Spring Fling is right around the corner and man am I pumped! I’ve never been able to put my finger on it, but for some reason the annual Crusade retreats get better by the year. This year, I’m one of the big dogs. I’ll be that guy sitting around saying things like ‘Hooooo-eeeee’ I remember three years ago when I rode up here with a crazy senior girl and nearly died four times before we ever even entered South Carolina.’ Funny thing is, back then, I thought she was crazy; now, I know she’s crazy. Fortunately, she’s crazy about God, too, so that seems to equalize ‘er somewhat.

Spring Break’s rapid approach generally means one thing: slacking is now officially not only accepted without question, but condoned. That’s right, Spring Break marks the beginning of the annual student-grade recession. March Madness is about to start up and that means three days a week of college basketball, all hours of the day with talk of ‘brackets’ and ‘picks’ and ‘pools’. I’ll probably throw my five bucks in a pool this year, just to see how bad my picks are. March Madness is generally associated with college basketball, but I think it can also be associated with the insanity that begins clouding every student’s thinking process after Spring Break. We tend to lose all reasoning ability: ‘Let’s see. I have a test tomorrow, a quiz the next day and three homework assignments due in one class the following day. The question on the table is ‘Do you want to sit around playing cards til 6 am?’ and I’m afraid the answer is ‘No.’, but who would I be to buck the system?

One good thing about the post-Spring-Break-recession is that it’s a time to meet all kinds of new people. I can think back over my last three Spring semesters and remember people I met during each semester, shortly after Spring Break. That’s just the time when everyone comes out of the woodwork. Even the studious kids begin to see that slacking has its merits. Of course, no one can really name any of those merits, but we all know they’re there. And, any one of those merits could single-handedly muscle-out any attempt by the conscience to convince us that it isn’t a good idea to start sleeping during the day and participating in completely unproductive activities at night.

Here’s to another Spring semester of cruddy grades, new friendships and hazy memories.

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I don�t have all that much to say tonight. The past several days, I�ve been bogged down with homework, studying and other responsibilities that have seemingly bound my right-brain and forced my left-brain to run rampant. I suppose that, ultimately, this is good as it means I�ve been managing my time well, but sometimes it�s just not all that much fun beating down the procrastination bug.

Spring Break is officially only a week away. It seriously can�t come soon enough. Unfortunately, I�m having a hard time really looking forward to it because I�m trying to keep my focus on the here-and-now (to avoid struggles like those of the UF basketball team of late), so I can be effective in my studies this semester.

I think I�m going to cut this off now because it�s boring even me and I�d just rather be reading some more of One Flew Over the Cuckoo�s Nest. What a great book.

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Close friends are key. It�s difficult for me to imagine what life might be like if it weren�t for companionship and fellowship. Difficult, but not impossible. I can remember a time when I would sometimes make the long trek home from class and wonder if anyone (aside from my immediate family�there�s never doubt there) really cared about me. I often wondered, if I were to up-and-move away from this town�transplant my life to a different place�whether all those who knew me would even realize I�d left. I wondered whether I�d made any sort of mark on the world and if my absence would produce a void, or would reality simply seal up my old space without a second thought.

I suppose I�m past that stage for now. I think I�ve realized that my absence would leave a scar on my sphere. And I know that the few people I�ve really let in to my world would miss me. I think maybe that�s one of my problems: the number of people I�ve really let get to know me is very, very small. I�ve spent most of my existence cracking jokes, sarcastically manipulating words and doing a continuous experiment to see how much slacking is possible before things start getting really screwed up.

I think maybe all this was brought on by a combination of two things: First, the simple phenomenon called �reminiscence�; Second, a few encouraging words spoken by a friend of mine a short time ago. The reminiscence part is pretty straight forward�for some reason, my mind drifted back a couple years tonight and stuck on the single memory I�ve made of several walks down my old street. The encouraging words part is probably simple too, at least for the one who spoke them. Now I�m left to wonder if �Doody, I really appreciate what you said tonight. You should share your heart more often; let others in sometimes and drop the fa�ade.� was truly spoken on behalf of the �us� mentioned in the statement, or just on behalf of the one who spoke those words.

Either way, those words are reassuring. At least I know that one of the few occasions on which I shared a deeper part of myself was well received by a friend of mine�maybe even by several friends of mine. It�s nice to know that there may be others out there who belong to �us� and just might want to hear what lil� ol� me has to say. Man, it would be nice to show this blog entry to myself two years ago, but then I�d never have learned to look deep inside and face the ugly. I�d never have learned that I can�t depend on my surroundings for my joy. And maybe I�d never have learned enough to be able to speak the words that my friend found so encouraging. And then, where would I be now? A little more ignorant, a lot more introverted and maybe incapable of slowly opening up my heart, so others and I might have a peak inside from time to time.

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So, I’ve been wondering lately if maybe something is wrong with me. It seems like I know a lot of guys who are completely consumed by women (or at least the thought of women). In others’ blogs, in conversation, in actions, in comments, and in many other aspects of life, I notice that guys I know are totally eaten up by a desire to be dating someone or meeting their future wife. I picture these guys as sort of walking around with a paper blind-fold on that says Girls on it. Maybe I’m na’ve, or suppressing some desire, but I simply don’t share the urgency that I see in my single friends. Not to say I’m not anxiously awaiting my first meeting with my wife-to-be’I most certainly am’but that is far from the focal point in my life right now. I do have a certain curiosity about the woman He will provide for me, but I’m not taken by it as I’ve seen that others are.

I think maybe I’m just trying to learn about myself right now. It’s such a fascinating journey for me to live as myself. Just when I think I know me, I go and do something completely unexpected’suddenly begin managing my time, start taking guitar lessons, say something totally ridiculous’and I throw myself for a loop. I find myself walking along this bridge that I’ve been traversing for 21 years, and, even after all this time, I still occasionally miss a plank, or get scared when I look down into the canyon below. I’m still having such a tough time holding onto the rope rails that I’m not sure if I’m ready to free a hand and hold onto another human being.

I guess it just frustrates me to see so many of my close friends walking their bridge-of-life with that blind-fold on, both hands out in front of them, flailing away, feeling for their special someone. I just have to wonder if maybe they wouldn’t walk a little slower, a little more cautiously, a little more appreciatively if they were to peak out from under their blind-fold and see what they’re so nonchalantly passing by.

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Today was pretty uneventful. I’m gearing up for my first test on Friday, so I guess I’m a little nervous about that. I tend to screw up my first test in a class, just because I slack off thinking, ‘I don’t need to study. If I blow it, I can just study harder later.’ Yeah, that doesn’t work. I guess there might be two kinds of people when it comes to first-test taking: One person over-studies’they don’t know what to expect, so they study as hard as they can ‘just in case’; the other person under-studies’he is probably lazy and would rather take the chance on not studying and maybe getting lucky on the test, than put time into it only to find out that it wasn’t necessary to study to begin with. I definitely fall into the latter category. I think I enjoy the challenge of trying to repair a damaged grade. I don’t get nearly the satisfaction out of consistently doing well in the course, ultimately earning an A as I do if I blow-off the first test and have to play catch-up for the rest of the semester to land the A. Problem is, I can hardly ever pull it off.

I suppose it’s all about feeding the ego. Pride seems to play such a key role in my life. Even when I think I’m starting to get a handle on it, I think of something like this. I think one of the biggest turning points in my struggle with pride was on Summer Project with Campus Crusade for Christ in Panama City Beach, FL in the summer of 2000. I was being discipled by a guy about twice my age (which, in my mind, means he was probably exponentially more wise than I). One day, he sat me down and said, ‘I see a lot of pride in your life and you need to let it go.’ Man, what a rush. I’ve never been swimming with the polar-bear club, but I’ll bet jumping into a frozen lake feels pretty similar to the way I felt after my discipler dropped that on me.

I think if I took anything away from that time of discipleship, it was this: Confidence is not necessarily synonymous with Pride. I began to see that being confident is a very powerful thing and may help me achieve a lot some day. But, being prideful is a very destructive thing and can totally undermine my confidence and potential. In fact, I’ve come to learn that being confident without succumbing to pride can be a very beneficial thing. A confident person who is also prideful can easily make a foolish, foolish decision. Pride can lead to a false confidence–one may think so much of himself that he believes he is capable of doing something he can’t. That may be very detrimental. For instance, imagine a stunt-rider is about to jump part of the Grand Canyon on his dirt bike. He begins to accelerate and as he nears the precipice, a head wind begins picking up and slowing him down. Now is the time to decide: continue with the ride and jump against a strong head-wind, possibly not clearing the Canyon or bail out and try the stunt again when the weather is more favorable? A confident rider would probably bail out because he knows that, although he is confident, he cannot challenge Mother Nature. A prideful and confident rider may very well continue his ride, probably falling to his death. The prideful rider may think that he is above the weather, he can do things other riders can’t because he is just that good. He has a false sense of confidence.

I think confidence in oneself is a very healthy thing; but, pride-induced confidence can be hazardous to our health.

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